in all of time & space
November 4, 2024
"life gets hard and it gets messed up
when you give so much but it's not enough
when the high's too high and the low's too low
when you love someone and they let you go..."
-- louis tomlinson
Feeling empty today.
Trying not to, trying to focus on positive things, but it's hard to do sometimes. More than sometimes. Oftentimes is more like it.
If I fight all my life, at the end of it there is nothing but being tired. Tired of everything. Just tired. I'm stuck in this world, in this life, with this tiredness. I'm not going anywhere, I'm just struggling with the emptiness and the being tired. I don't even know what direction my life wants to go, what direction I want my life to go. I am just flowing with it, like waves.
That's all I seem to be able to do now...
♥ kristina @ 12:36 am
August 19, 2024
"you tell me that you need me...
but then you go and cut me down..."
-- timbaland
Dear Internet, it's me Kristina, I've been missing you...
Here I am, heartbroken again, trying to figure out what happened... but I will never know...
I think of all the boys I've loved before.
I think of all the men I've loved before.
JT was the boy I held onto for too long.
AT was the boy I loved first but we were too young for such a thing.
TA was the rebound that didn't happen.
TG was the man I spent most of my life with, but didn't really know.
SM was the rebound that wanted too much.
JN was the almost.
MS, JR and CJ were flings and nothing more.
MT was the man who never was, despite always wanting to be.
LN was the odd man out.
AC was the man I wanted to be the one.
And LG was the one, but he didn't want to be.
Part of me wants to curl up inside myself and not try again.
Do I let that part win...?
I don't know yet.
♥ kristina @ 12:00 am